Have you ever wondered what a real friend is like? Probably and hopefully not, because you have had or currently have one. But have you ever thought about what makes them as such to you? What brings about that deep and steadfast relationship? Looking at this, I think I might end up calling a lot of people friends who are not real friends. Friendship isn't merely having done something together in the past, nor is it a matter of being within 20 feet of each other, or being linked by other people, groups or events.

There are quite a few people who seem to think that's what friendship is, and so you may be recognized and receive a friendly greeting, but then nothing much further and you are just kind of there in the same place, and often while they practice good friendship with someone else. You may ask about updates, but it ends up being silly shallow things, and then you wonder why it's all smalltalk if you're apparently friends. I'm not quite sure why this happens, why many can't just be honest with the way things are when you aren't very close.

Often efforts are made to bring you together in terms of proximity, but then it seems as though friendship is expected to magically happen. But often what really happens is you end up calling a person a friend, bringing them halfway to it and dropping them. Merely calling each other acquaintances would be fine, it would be true and not disappointing or sad, but calling it friendship and then not following through is saddening. It lacks integrity and often ends up in a group of friends being made up small fractions which are true friends to each other but not the other fractions.

If you're practically separate factions as it is, why not just be in different places so you can be honest about it without the whispers? I really hope this is just immaturity seen in college crowds, because it's very sad to see happen, and often I'll be spoken to by a friend upset by certain drama that comes of it. I won't have much to say except an affirmation of the occurence, that it has happened to me and you just need to forgive and live in honesty and integrity although they may not.

When I look for the difference between these true friendships and a mere outward appearance of friendship, I see two patterns that come from two characteristics. As for the patterns, you'll have one friendship that seems to be based on circumstance. If the connecting circumstances are removed, or if there is a long break and reuniting, it's just odd and hard to reconnect. The other pattern is a self-standing friendship, and it seems circumstances don't matter, and a long break brings no change to the friendship.

I find that the first pattern happens when you entrust a person with something of yourself. In truth, you can't be sure how well they will be a steward of it, they may or may not care, they may or may not responsibly respond. Your choice to entrust a part of yourself to them is not based on their character or your knowledge of it, but based on the safety of the circumstances surrounding them, the context in which you know them. Because of this, you are probably close enough to share some things and so count them a friend, but you are quite selective about what can be shared because it's directly tied to outward factors.

The second is a matter of not merely entrusting, but genuinely trusting. You aren't just handing something to them based on a minimal risk factor, but you trust their character and person genuinely so anything is fine (although obviously some things are inappropriate to share depending on gender or role in life). Maybe this isn't true of all people, but at least for me as a very intuitive person, it comes from knowing they care and are considerate. They may let you down because they are human, but they care and that's all that's needed. And it may not be known through what they say or do, but you just know.

In the first pattern, you see circumstance allows you to entrust things to them, so if circumstance fades or is removed by distance, you have to find something new when you see each other again. This is why it was awkward, because it reveals that your trust in each other was just a fabrication based on conveniences, it may have been endearing and intimate but it was selectively so because it wasn't true. This becomes incredibly obvious when someone they really trust enters the picture, and you are never really spoken to again even though they may say they'd like otherwise.

In the second pattern, it seems no circumstance or distance or amount of time changed your friendship and intimacy. This is because it wasn't based on somthing else, but it was based on the fact that you were able to honesty share who you are. Who you are may change, but if it can be freely shared then it will always be able to. When you reunite you aren't fumbling for a new point of contact because the heart-to-heart point of contact is readily available. You related to each other, not a common thing, even if that common thing was a deeply personal common experience or set of thoughts.

Now if you think about who is a friend beyond sharing the experience of a common event however long ago, you may notice it's likely less than 20. And if you think about this difference between entrusting and genuinely trusting, it may be less than that. You may think it somewhat sad when honestly looking at the state of your relations to some people you really care about, some you really like because they are nice, good people, but the truth is always better than an illusion. You don't need to be really close to be able to greet each other with kindness when those times come, and it's ok to care about their wellbeing without being needed for it.

There is much value in the knowledge of who your true friends are, because these characteristics are required for a relationship to last when you go your separate ways. As life goes on investments become bigger, it may well be nigh impossible to really intergrate the lives of more than two different families, at least in our modern society that doesn't need to work together to survive. So you really do have to be able to spend time apart, and yet come together and have things be the same. Know who your real friends are, cherish them dearly, and know how to invest in them.

I think about my best friends, and it seems like I get to see them the least. That's fine, because when the time does come to see each other, we don't just goof around playing social games amidst some random activity, we share our hearts and end up helping each other whether intentionally or not. Simplicity, honesty, and integrity are all it takes, and it's strange that those things seem so rare in the world. However, because they are so rare, I encourage you to use the knowledge of your true friends to know how to prioritize time and effort, yet also extend real friendship to everyone who comes along your path.

Shalom.

So there are a lot of things in life that become quite interesting if you are removed from them long enough. I'm at a point in life where I almost don't want to be around people anymore because smaltalk is completely wrapped up in these things and I currently have none of it going on. I haven't for a while, and it's not like I've given up or don't care, but life simply has more control than you do sometimes and you have to deal with it. About 4 billion people or more have to deal with it all the time, and our spoiled and idealistic culture doesn't understand that.

Proverbs 13:23 "A poor man's field may produce abundant food, but injustice sweeps it away."

See, usually people who are active in these things start to define themselves and others by it. Who they are, what their job is, what they do, what they think is valuable. When many of these things are taken from you at first it stresses on your self worth, but then if you are independently minded enough, you just might see the truth. You may realize that while certain things can be beneficial and maybe even ought be, there is only one thing that can define you and that is... the truth. Funny thing is that we live in a lying world, and the truth is embodied in a person who valued everything and everyone that the world does not.

2 Peter 2:17-18 "These men are springs without water and mists driven by a storm. Blackest darkness is reserved for them. For they mouth empty, boastful words and, by appealing to the lustful desires of sinful human nature, they entice people who are just escaping from those who live in error."

So there reaches a point where you not only realize what the world is truly trying to make of you, but you stop caring. When that happens it's like a veil is lifted and you see everything that's wrong and everything that's right. You see the love of Jesus Christ and you know exactly what it's character is and you know when you're seeing it happen and when it does it's a bright shining light, like a lighthouse which reveals your true placement, calls you home and shows you where the rocky places are. Things that pretend to be good or pretend to be love are now so obvious, they can reflect the moon but that's nowhere near being a lighthouse.

Ephesians 5:6-16
"Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. 
 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:
   "Wake up, O sleeper,
      rise from the dead,
   and Christ will shine on you." 
 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."

Everything becomes clear, so very, very clear. Who are we? Children of God. What is our job? To be ambassadors of the kingdom of Jesus Christ. What do we do? Restore people to dignity in his love. What do we value? Eternal things of God that do not pass away. Our concern for the worldly answers to these questions should carry no more concern than the extent to which they can help us be and accomplish these things. In the exact same way, our view regarding others should have less to do with the earthly perspective and more to do with the spiritual.

2 Corinthians 5:16-21 "So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

Not to be overly corny, but we are the superheroes. We are the saints, we are the bringers of good, we are the ones with the Holy Spirit, we are the ones with the gospel message. Everything not from God in the world is passing away, the only good that will make a real change that lasts will come from us. If we don't do the job, nobody else will. So the world is depending on us, or more accurately depending on God in his use of us, his chosen vessels. This is to be our vision, the truth I mentioned a little bit earlier. Our earthly dealings are only Clark Kent walking around acting like he's not Superman.

1 Corinthians 7:29-31 "What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away."

I can understand it from the world, but I don't understand it from my bretheren. It would be silly to walk into a Justice League meeting and ask "Clark" how his "reporting" is coming along. That's not in focus, that's not the real identity, that's not the real job. So I guess it doesn't just bother me to have to explain the same thing over and over again and have people not understand over and over again, but it's the whole picture. I don't so much mind what people think of me, but the questions show a problem in how they see not only me, but themselves and the whole world. I don't want to be a part of that emptiness, I want to live in and discuss the reality God calls us all to.

1 Timothy 1:5-7 "The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. Some have wandered away from these and turned to meaningless talk. They want to be teachers of the law, but they do not know what they are talking about or what they so confidently affirm."